Masturbation
by Dennis Rupert

INTRODUCTION

Since we have received a lot of abusive, hate mail about this page, please allow me to make a few cautions to two groups of people before you proceed. None of this is meant to offend - just to state some realities about our differing world-views.

If you are coming to this web page as an atheist, you may have difficulty with the moral perspective regarding sexual behavior that appears here. This page is coming from a perspective about what God has said about masturbation and lust. If you are an atheist, by definition, you don't believe there is a God. You also don't believe in a day of accountability before God (what the Bible calls Judgment Day). Although most atheists have moral rules that they follow, you don't believe there are Rules (with a capital 'R'), i.e. absolute moral laws. By "absolute," I mean unchangeable, applying to each human being, no exceptions, not situational. (Please note, I did not say that atheists have no morals - only that atheists have no morals which they consider absolute. That is, their morals are not absolutes for every human being. Morals are an individual choice and subject to changing times and situations.) By the way, I'm not making up what I'm writing. Everyone of these statements is essentially a quote from what atheists have written to me.

The idea of "absolute" moral laws implies an Absolute Moral Law-giver and atheists don't believe in such a being. As an atheist any morals that you do hold are not universal (applying to every one) and are changeable. You hold them because of tradition or social pressure (the herd mentality) or because you think they might be helpful for the survival of the human race. You believe that the Bible was written by rather uncivilized men, who, at best, were unprepared for the modern world. You believe that these men should not be dictating what is right for the modern world. You decide your own sexual morals and you decide your sexual behavior (within certain limits imposed by society, of course).

This isn't the perspective that this page is coming from. Our presuppositions (axioms, basic assumptions) are entirely different. You don't believe in an Absolute Moral Law-giver. Christians do. If you'd like to read about a Christian perspective on sexual behavior, feel free to proceed. If you'd like to write us an email telling us how Neanderthal we are to believe there are limits concerning sexual behavior, please don't waste our time and yours. Our foundational beliefs are entirely different.

Certain evolutionists also seem to have difficulty with this page. As an evolutionist, you believe that man is an evolved animal. In most cases, this means that sexuality isn't a "soul issue" or a "spiritual issue" for you. (You probably don't believe in a soul, since evolution is about matter, energy, and chance.) Possibly, in your view, sex and sexual pleasure is a physical function without spiritual or eternal consequences. It's just what certain organisms do. To suggest that some sexual activities might be "Right" and "Wrong" (with a capital 'R' & 'W') might have made sense before the invention of contraception or medical treatment for sexual diseases, but in the 21st century it is old fashioned and unnecessary.

If you are coming from this evolutionary perspective, the idea of imposing universal limits on sexual activity may seem like ridiculous nonsense. No offense to your beliefs is meant. Just please understand that this web page is coming from a Biblical point of view. According to this perspective mankind was made in the "image of God" (Genesis 1:27) and, therefore, human beings don't live like animals, but need to mirror God-like qualities and directives.

I realize that we live in a society that (for the most part) doesn't believe that there should be ANY limits to our sexual freedom or sexual pleasure. But Christians have a very different perspective. Christians believe that there is a God. We also believe that the universe isn't an act of chance, but an intentional creation by a loving God. Humans were fashioned as the peak of God's creative activity. People were made separately and differently than the animals and plants (Genesis 2:7) and with the calling to mirror God's character and activity.

We also believe that God is not silent. God has communicated to human beings through various events, miracles, prophets, and especially through sending His Son (Hebrews 1:1-2). In the midst of this communication, God said some things about sexuality. What the Creator said about sexuality is an absolute moral Law for all human beings and for all time. This revelation from God about sexuality contains promotions and prohibitions-- in other words sexual activity that God encourages and sexual activity that He discourages. He limits sexual experience and pleasure, so that human beings would not harm each other and that they would experience joy in the gift of sexuality.

(I've made the above comments, because I receive a large amount of email about this article from people coming from a non-theistic, evolutionary, or hedonistic viewpoint. Just wanted to give you fair warning that this article is on the subject of a Christian perspective on sexuality. Please don't fritter away your time and mine by sending vicious emails about how I "don't have any right to take away your sexual pleasure" or "impose my morality on you." Thanks.)

SOME STATISTICS ABOUT MEN AND MASTURBATION

I've been told by women who have read this article that many of the ideas on this page also apply to them, but I have had little-to-no experience with the issue of women and masturbation. However, I have spent a considerable amount of time being a male. I've also talked with men, counseled men, and led men's groups which discussed sexual issues of all types. Therefore, please understand if my comments seem rather male oriented.

Psychologist Archibald Hart wrote a book entitled The Sexual Man (Waco, Texas: Word, 1994). His book contains surveys he conducted on the subject of masturbation. He surveyed married men who masturbate and asked them how they felt about their masturbation. Almost all of the married men who masturbated (97 percent) said they did not "feel guilty." Only 2% thought that it was "shameful."

You would think that would mean that 97-98% of these men would say that masturbation was "normal." But what was unusual was that Dr. Hart could only find 13% of the men who said they "felt normal about masturbation." That's odd. So what does this mean? Either these men genuinely don't know how they feel or they have a lot of confusion about their feelings. On the one hand, "97 percent said they don't feel guilty, but only 13 percent said it felt normal."

I think these results show that a rationalization has taken place in our society. In spite of what society, movies, books, and "sex experts" tell us -- in spite of what men say they believe -- most men still don't feel "right" about masturbation. Many of the married and unmarried men I have spoken with actually "agonize" over their practice of masturbation. Why? Is this God's viewpoint? Is it the persuasive power of uptight Christians making people feel guilt about their masturbation?

FOUR IMPORTANT TRUTHS FROM THE BIBLE

Sex is good and right and pure. It was created by a loving, imaginative God for procreation and pleasure.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.... God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Genesis 1:27, 31.

A man will be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24.

Rejoice in the wife of your youth! A loving doe, a graceful deer--may her breasts satisfy you at all times, may you ever be captivated by her love. Proverbs 5:18-19.

Take me away with you--let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his bed chambers! Song of Songs 1:4.

My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills. Song of Songs 2:16-17.

God created sex to be ENJOYED. Sex was intended for pleasure. But (and here is God's limitation) sexual pleasure is always to happen within the proper context: a man and a woman who have committed their lives together in marriage.

THERE IS NO COMMANDMENT in the Bible regarding masturbation. In spite of what you thought I might say, I AM NOT SAYING THAT MASTURBATION IS WRONG. The Bible doesn't say that. In the absence of a clear command from God, we must always be careful of creating condemnation where God never intended it.

HOWEVER, we do have a clear command from God's Son Himself, concerning SEXUAL LUSTING after a person who is not your spouse.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28.

Contrary to our present culture which encourages looking at other people and "getting turned on," Jesus viewed this sin as being very serious. He urged people to radically deal with lust, and says that it is something that can keep us from eternal life (Matthew 5:29-30).

Let me state it again, so that I'm not misunderstood: masturbation is not a sin in itself. The Bible doesn't say anything on the issue of masturbation. It only speaks to the sin of improper lust. So wrong desires are the sin, not masturbation.

Therefore, if you are masturbating AND you are lusting after someone that you are not married to, then your masturbation/lust is a sin. Most people that I have spoken to on this issue, masturbate using pornography, images, or imagination to lust after someone who is not their spouse. Jesus called this "missing the mark" (the meaning of one of the Greek words for sin). According to Jesus you are committing a form of adultery. You are involved in something that is unhealthy for you and for those around you. This can have consequences for your eternal body. Jesus said:

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Matthew 5:27-30.

Since the sin is lusting while masturbating or using sexual fantasies or images to induce masturbation, in the rest of this article I'll refer to masturbation/lust meaning masturbation with lust.

MASTURBATION AND MARRIAGE

Some single people imagine that masturbation is something they do only because "I don't have a spouse to meet my needs." But masturbation does not stop magically when you get married. Archibald Hart in his book The Sexual Man claims "61 percent of all married men surveyed masturbate." Why?

Even in marriage, your sexual "needs" are not always met. Sex in marriage has its interruptions and boring times. Health problems, pregnancies, fatigue, stress, travel separations, neglect, and fights can affect your spouse's ability to be sexually intimate.

Spouses rarely have equal sexual desires and not all spouses are sensitive to the sexual desires of the other partner. This is why Paul said:

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Corinthians 7:3-6.

Thought control does not always get easier after marriage; it sometimes gets harder because you are very aware of the delight of sexual fulfillment.

I have counseled with men who have a sensitive, caring, understanding spouse and a regular and fulfilling sexual relationship, but who still compulsively masturbate. This is a good indication that the problem is not with being sexually fulfilled, but something deeper. "Something in me, not my spouse."

THE DOWNSIDE OF MASTURBATION/LUST

Masturbation can become compulsive. This is certainly not true for everyone, but I've talked with men and women who masturbated up to 20 times a day. Any compulsive behavior such as this is unhealthy and stunts your ability to grow as a person. The Bible calls this "slavery" to sin - you are "missing the mark" (2 Peter 2:19). Like any other pleasure, masturbation can become an addiction. See How Sexual Experiences Become Addictions.

Many of the men I have counseled use masturbation as a form of emotional uplift. What I mean by this is that they don't know how to properly express or handle feelings of defeat, rejection, sadness, anger, or depression. Masturbation becomes a temporary "high" or a way to anesthetize emotional pain. Masturbation was used as a substitute for learning how to properly handle negative feelings. In these cases, masturbation allowed the men to remain emotionally stunted. This spilled over into their relationships with other people, especially their wives or girl friends. One wife that I talked to said, "He uses me and masturbation like a pacifier."

As demonstrated by Archibald Hart's research, masturbation can cause guilt feelings or at the least a sense of "this is not normal." Feelings like this make it hard for you to relate to other people: "Other people don't seem to struggle with this, the way I do. What's wrong with me? I must be different. It's better if I hide this part of myself from other people." Guilt separates you from other people. Guilt also blunts your feelings toward God: "How could God love someone like me who struggles with lust?"

Sexual excitement starts in the mind, not your sex organs. Some individuals who compulsively masturbate need ever-increasing mental excitement to masturbate. They visualize wild sexual fantasies or use "hard pornography" (depicting sadism, rape, or child molestation) in order to masturbate. We'd like to think that fantasies are harmless and hurt no one. This is simply not true. As a man thinks in his heart, so he is. (Proverbs 23:7). Sexual fantasies are not at all like the loving physical relationship between a husband and wife. These fantasies will put a strain on your marriage by either comparing your spouse to your fantasies or insisting on your spouse participating in what "turns you on."

Fantasizing in your mind makes you want to enact your fantasies -- worse sin, big trouble. I've counseled individuals who began with a habit of masturbation and so-called "soft pornography." But they couldn't stop there. They ended up in practices of child molestation, rape, bestiality, time with prostitutes, cross-dressing, public exposure, and jail time. In spite of what our culture says, lust really can kill you.

Your lack of self-control in this area may make you susceptible to unfaithfulness in your marriage. If you cannot control your masturbation and fantasy lust (with other women), then what makes you believe you can be faithful in reality to your marriage partner?

The guilt you feel about masturbation/lust can be transferred to thinking that all sex is dirty and wrong. This is not a correct thought process at all. The Bible teaches that sex in (the right) context is good and wonderful. But if most of your sexual experiences lead to feelings of guilt, you can begin to think of all sexual experience as "dirty."

Because of the concentration on your own orgasm or release, masturbation can train you to be selfish in marital sex. Since masturbation is usually done quickly, it is not uncommon for masturbation to create a problem with pre-ejaculation or self-centeredness in your marriage bed.

TOOLS FOR OVERCOMING A CHRONIC HABIT OF MASTURBATION/LUST

Understand that the battle is the Lord's. You don't have the power in and of yourself to overcome masturbation (or any other chronic sin). You are actually pretty powerless and your Father will have to be the one to create righteousness in you. Rely on God to create new desires in your heart and to give you the fruit of peace and self-control. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, not you (Galatians 5:22-23). You will be amazed as you trust in your Father at how the "want-to"s of your heart will really change over time. As a Christian you ARE being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ:

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18.

Don't simply grit your teeth and try harder. Ask God to do it. Trust Him to provide new desires. Participate in the miracle of God changing you. In other words, this battle will not be won without trusting in Jesus. Developing a relationship of trust (faith) in God's ability and God's desire to change your heart is the most important thing you will do to overcome. For more on this, see New Covenant Living.

The key to self-control in masturbation/lust is thinking the right thoughts by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. The sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Romans 8:6-7.

Your mind controls your sexual arousal. Your most important sex organ is your mind. So let's begin the process of transforming your mind (Romans 12:2). Get these Scriptures into your head and heart. Quote them when you get up in the morning and whenever you are tempted. They will help you to renew your mind and the Holy Spirit will use them to teach you to think differently.

Romans 13:14 "Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

Romans 8:6 "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."

John 8:34,36 "Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Get a concordance and look up other verses about sexual immorality or who you are in Christ or the power of the Holy Spirit. Write these down and begin committing them to memory.

Work on victory only one day at a time:

Never think about getting victory for the rest of your life.

Here is the way to think: "My roommates are all out of the apartment. Lord, just let me get through this one afternoon."

Remind yourself how long it's been since the last time you masturbated/lusted.

"I've had victory for a whole week. Praise God! Now do I really want to go through that guilt again just to start over again? NO, not today!"

Remember and review the downside of masturbation/lust.

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 1 Corinthians 6:13

If you sin, it's a little bit easier to sin the next time; but the opposite is also true -- resist and it will make you stronger.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7.

Resist the devil, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:9.

Engage in some type of strenuous exercise. "Go and burnout" and it will lessen the desire. One man in a support group we held would go and do chin ups until his arms felt like they would fall off. It helped him with sexual control and was healthy too.

Therefore, I do not run like a man aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:26-27.

Avoid any situation that tempts you personally. Avoid it. Change it. Expose it. Purify your environment. Remove anything from your home or place of work that causes you to want to sin sexually -- books, magazines, TV shows, DVDs, internet access, etc.

I will set before my eyes no vile thing. Psalm 101:3

Flee from sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18.

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22.

Find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11.

Be accountable to another Christian brother. Call a Christian friend with whom you can fellowship during this time of temptation. See The Importance of Accountability (PDF file).

He who trusts in himself is a fool. Proverbs 28:26.

Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds with men who are evildoers; let me not eat of their delicacies. Let a righteous man strike me--it is a kindness; let him rebuke me--it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. Psalm 141:4-5.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. James 5:16.

Change your habits of thinking. This is also the area that will take some of the most work. Quick and easy victory is unlikely. This is a war, not just a battle.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is. Romans 12:2.

Ask the Lord to show you why you have wrong desires. Give some serious thought to figuring out WHY you masturbate. A chronic habit of masturbation is usually an emotional substitute for something. It's like a drug we use to anesthetize our emotional pain. Are you using masturbation to overcome sadness, lack of self-esteem, feelings of rejection, or fear of failure? If so, then you are confusing psychological/spiritual issues with sex. Masturbating isn't going to help you mature emotionally. It will only keep you childlike. Take some time to really figure out what masturbation is being used for in your life. Then separate out the psychological issues from God's gift of sex. Ask God to reveal any burdens or anxieties you are carrying, then give them back to Him. Learn how your Father helps you deal with emotional pain.

Changing your habits of thinking may require talking with someone. A wise Christian brother or a Christian counselor can be invaluable in pointing out different ways of thinking and acting. A few sessions with a Christian counselor who specializes in sexual addiction can provide huge insights into what sex really means to you.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed. Proverbs 15:22.

Get in the habit of praising and thanking God for the way you are, including your sex organs. Thank Him for making you a sexual being and ask Him to help you control yourself so you can enjoy sex in its proper context.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14.

If you yield to the temptation of lust, confess as soon as possible, and don't dwell on it. You will feel guilty, because you have given in to your flesh and have obeyed it desires. BUT don't keep punishing yourself about it. "For every one look at your sin, look ten times at the mercy of Jesus." Rejoice in the cleansing, forgiving power of the blood of Jesus Christ. Your standing with God, your Father, is because of Jesus' rightness, not yours. Renew fellowship with your Father immediately and again reckon yourself "dead to sin, but alive to God."

Grow spiritually. Don't stop serving or learning. Sometimes guilt makes us feel like we are not worthy to serve in the church or associate with other Christians. That is Satan's trap to keep you away from God's grace (Romans 8:1). Don't run from the "streams of God's grace": fellowship, teaching, communion, Bible study, using your spiritual gifts. Stay involved and active. Becoming more like Christ in other areas will help you in this one.

- Dennis Rupert (4/24/08)

For a PDF copy of this teaching click here.

For more on weapons to use in your battle against lust see Weapons for the War or some of the links below.

Guy Stuff Page	Your Guyness Quotient	Internet Pornography	Letter to the Editor	Freeing the Sex Addict	Weapons for the War
	An Impossible Boss	Work -- A Holy Calling	If We Worked for Jesus	Modern Day Business	Command & Family

Masturbation by Dennis Rupert