Family Contracts: A Practical Way To Provide Healthy Boundaries

Using the contract method in the home is a very effective way to balance love and limits. By writing those limits out in contract form a family is forced to clarify and clearly set out its boundaries. But how does one do that on a daily basis? Here are three guidelines to use in implementing boundaries in your home.

First, set clearly defined limits by writing a contract. By writing down what you've agreed on with your children, you avoid the heartache of a difference of opinion about what was said and not said when the boundary was set. By having an "official" document, misunderstandings can be cleared up quickly.

Second, have the parties involved sign the contract. At the risk of becoming too business-like this does serve to solidify commitment and encourage responsibility. If a child knows his name is "on the dotted line-," he's less likely to try and fudge on the boundary. Make sure you sign it as well; it's important for your children to see your seriousness and willingness to take responsibility as well.

Third, supervise the living of these limits regularly. - This takes discipline and a willingness to "hang in there" when it would be easier to "Just let them do what they want." Through consistent supervision, your children learn responsibility and learn to take commitments they've made seriously. The guiding principle here is, "Don't expect, inspect." As Dr. Henry Brandt is quoted has having said, "People do what you inspect, not what you expect ."

This same contract was changed three times over the first year of his driving experience. Setting up a contract is not setting something in concrete. There is room for mutual negotiation and restructuring in a later family meeting.